2008: In Abstract - November

There are a lot of celebratory days in November including Thanksgiving Day, All Saints' Day, Adoption Day, Black Fri Day, etc. I think that's because November is nearing the end of the year and there's a lot of things we hadn't the time to celebrate yet. By the time November rolls around, there's not much time left for International Philosophy Day. November is also the most misogynistic month of the year. You don't believe me? Well, how do you account for the fact that November is known as the Men's month, because the International Men's Day is commemorated on the 19th and is meant to celebrate one's manhood? On the 19th of November 2008, I celebrated my manhood over and over. I've also heard that it is quite common for some males in Australia and New Zealand to sport a mustache during the month of November. This custom is known as Movember (Movember being a portmanteau of the words 'Moustache' and 'November'.). Much like my exploits with my beard-adventures, one's fashionable appearance often comes second to the calling of a sporting facial hair event. Noble are the men down under. A similar observance in the United States, called No Shave November, involves a full beard as opposed to a mustache. However, recent No Shave April events have rendered the November edition null.

November would turn out to be quite memorable. There are some events that we experience through in our lifetimes that we never forget. The morning of 9/11, the O.J. Simpson murder trial verdict, the first time you saw Paul Verhoeven's Showgirls and realized it was that tall chick from Saved by the Bell licking a stripper pole without a top on. These are the memory imprints that exceed just memorable moments. They are timeless moments that, regardless where who you ask, everyone can remember where they were when they happened. These moments transcend one's personal history and become a part of the conscious of all of us. On November 4th 2008, on the culmination of the dominate story of the past 2 and a half years, in the United States presidential election, Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States over Senator John McCain. Barack Obama had become the first African-American President-elect in our nation's history.

Obama would go on to carry 28 states plus DC to McCain's 22 states. The final vote total percentage was Obama 52.9% to McCain's 45.7% with Obama garnering over 69.4 Million votes. The stats of the election, however, are only the smallest part of the story. In this case, on that night, to me, it wasn't so much about if we had elected the right person for the job, to me; it was about the fact that so many people had embraced the idea of change. I don't know that Barack Obama will deliver on his promise. I don't know that he will be a great president. I don't even know if where things are now can possibly be improved in a way that satisfies the faith of those almost 70 million people. What I do know, however, is the feeling of pride I had for this country for the first time in this decade and the memory I made while watching Obama accept his post at Grant Park in Chicago while horns honked audibly outside my apartment and hearing the exulted yells sounding almost like sighs of relief.


In other November news...Pirates! Wait, what? Pirates were in the news in 2008? That's right. Oh course, if anyone had seen the historically accurate documentary The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, they would have known that pirates are still a menace roaming our high seas. Throughout the year the Horn of Africa has been plagued by a band of rogue swashbucklers from Somalia. Somehow these ship stealing savages have gone mostly unopposed as they've stolen over $30 million from over 70 hijackings this year alone. However, on the 15th of November, the Somalia pirates took it up a notch by seizing a Saudi supertanker MV Sirius Star and its cargo of over $100 million worth of oil. If the tides have turned and we've returned to a time where pirates are setting sail to pillage and plunder, sign me up. I think I'd make a great a sinister seaman.

In Entertainment:

• After 5,479 days of breathless anticipation, with cornrows, minus Slash and Buckethead, Axl Rose had the heart to finally release the latest Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy. Spanning exactly 15 years since The Spaghetti Incident? was released, November 23rd 2008 was a day the nine remaining G N' R fans had been waiting almost a generation for. There are nine members of the band, currently, so, you do the math. One wonders what the fuck took so long for a fading band to put out an album during the 15 year leave of absence. To me, it is actually a bit of genius. Use Your Illusion I & II were well regarded albums in 1991, so, instead of fading away, why not leave them wanting more? Axl Rose was able to string us along for 15 years based on work done back when C&C Music Factory was still trying to make us sweat.
  
  However, now that Chinese Democracy has been released, you have to wonder if Axl just wasn't holding out for the political structure of Chinese to finally shift in his favor. What ever the case may be, we all got a free Dr. Pepper out of the deal when the soda maker honored their promise to share a DP with all of us if Chinese Democracy ever saw the light of day. If being embarrassed to release your product actually works, perhaps the Sierra Mist people could give us a free drink if only 3D Realms would finally put out Duke Nukem Forever.

• I have to admit, of the things that happened in 2008, that whole Twilight thing is the one I get the least. And in November 2008, it all came to a head with the release of the Twilight Motion Picture based on the Stephenie Meyer glorified fan fiction books. I mean, I do get that flouncing lady-man vampires are a big hit with the 12-16-year old girl demo. They always have. But, what I hadn't accounted for was the 1 week old to 112 year old lady demo climbing on board this shit-filled train. Basically, friends, fanfic has officially invaded our popular culture and movie houses. I've heard things about the book series that makes me unhappy to be alive. Like, wolfmen fucking high school chicks. Chicks having violent sex with vampires and wolfmen at the same time. I've heard that the books range from "OMG IT'S SOOOOOOO GOOD! ^_^!!!!!!" to "It's so bad that it is good." to "I didn't believe my underwear could get that moist." There's stuff about some kind about glittering. I don't really know. I've avoided this fad like a plague of lupine fuckings.
  
  I saw the trailer for the movie adaptation; it looked like an episode of Mutant X. The worst, however, is inexplicably a scene I happened to catch while searching YouTube for a Muse song. In it, there were two vampire gangs of teens that had come together in a field to don 1880's era baseball uniforms and throw the ball, and angst, around a little. It's so bad, it made me hate baseball. It made me hate Muse, too. I often am pretty opened minded about the things that people enjoy, however, Twilight just leaves me wishing I could have eternal life so I could slaughter everyone that paid for a ticket to see the movie and make Twilight relevant.

In Sports:

• The New Zealand Kiwis have a story not unlike the Tampa Bay Rays. Before becoming the Kiwis, they were known as "The Professional All Blacks." and while both team names don't fly these days, on November 22nd, the Kiwis became world champions for the first time as they defeated the Australian Kangaroos in the 2008 Rugby League World Cup Final. It was considered one of the biggest upsets in the history of Rugby. In fact, Australia hadn't lost a Rugby World Cup since 1972. In addition, the Kiwis also have the greatest team dance since the Super Bowl Shuffle; a war cry known as the "Haka". The Haka consists of the team lining up opposite their opponent and screaming and slapping at the other team for about five minutes. The traditional Maori war dance or challenge has been part of New Zealand rugby and league for over a century and has often attracted criticism, particularly in the Northern Hemisphere. And though a controversy over sportsmanship, the Haka is still less offensive than William "The Refrigerator" Perry and that punky QB Jim McMahon attempting to sing.

• I was going to write about Jimmie Johnson winning the NASCAR Winston/Nextel/Sprint Cup championship for the third consecutive year, a feat only equaled by Cale Yarborough before him. I was all pumped up by the history of such an accomplishment...then I realized two things: Number one, even though I am a fairly equal opportunity sports fan (I mean, I wrote about Rugby...who talks about Rugby? Rugby players don't even talk about Rugby.), I hate NASCAR. Second, and most importantly, when one gets wrapped up in the world of NASCAR, this apparently is what happens:
  
  No thanks. Instead, I will continue to go on pretending NASCAR exists only in the fantasy world in which jugs are used as musical instruments and the preferred hooker is the toothless hooker.
  

Best Music: Surf City - Self Titled EP
November was a pretty dry month for the world of music. I mean, among other terrible occasions, Vanilla Ice announced his presence back into the world of entertainment. There were albums released by Nickelback, Mudvayne, Ricky Martin, Third Eye Blind, Linkin Park, Paramore, Good Charlotte, and Britney Spears. And, of course, I mentioned the shame spiral known as Guns N' Roses. So, essentially, every band you've ever hated released an album in November.
However, Surf City, a lo-fi outfit out of New Zealand released a self titled EP to soothe the maddening depths of winter. Previously know as Kill Surf City until the band had to shorten it due to a band in the UK already having an unlucky urge to kill. On their self-titled debut EP, Surf City, owns their Jesus & Mary Chain reference anyhow. The four-piece band plays some psychedelic pop in the same vein as their country-mates The Terminals or the Straightjacket Fits. Of course, if that's not your thing, there's always that new Sammy Hagar album that came out in November 2008.


Best Movie: Role Models
David Wain is a hilarious dude. I'm glad he is making movies. Also, Paul Rudd is in Role Models. So, you know, 'nuff said. I've also heard that Slumdog Millionaire and Milk are good and are in my queue to watch, but you know...



Notable Death: Michael Crichton
Michael Crichton was something of a renaissance man in the entertainment industry. He was a novel writer, screenwriter, director, text-based game creator, and unexpected perisher via throat cancer. On November 4th 2008 we lost our Lost World creator. Crichton was perhaps best known for writing Jurassic Park. One wonders if he kept a mosquito filled with his blood in amber around for himself to be cloned. After all, Crichton had essentially figured out the method in which to live forever. And, if not, he can live on forever through his works. For example, in December 1994, he held the distinction of having the #1 book (Disclosure), the #1 TV show (ER), and the #1 movie (Jurassic Park) in the US. Beat that, John Grisham.

In Fittz News:
After apparently somehow out lasting many others, I was promoted at my job. It's cool when one is prompted because it generally means that they are either A) doing a noticeably good job at work in ways that have changed their role with a company, making a promotion necessary. Or, B) The benefactor of attrition. I have to say, thank the heavens for attrition. With my new found power and glory, I've been placed in charge of other people. I've never had people working under me before...except for that passionate night I spent with Brian Dennehy. What's interesting about having charges is you begin to look for the things you know you got away with when you were a mere underling. I assume that is basically what it is like to be a parent. You kept your pot smoking from your folks by only doing at friend's houses, so now that you have kids, you often find yourself outside of your kid's friend's houses with binoculars. Same thing. So, I have to say, I'd probably be a great parent because I don't care if you silently smoke pot with the window open in your room but you'd better not get a girl knocked up on prom night!