'Cause I can't, I won't, and I don't stop blogging (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} apoplecticfittz) wrote,@ 2009-01-01 10:54:00 |
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2008: In Abstract - December
December has the shortest days of the entire year and yet it shares with six others the most days in a month. With a lot of the month spent reflecting it does seem like December is a month with a duel personality. On one hand, an entire year has been laid bare for our pondering and contemplation. On another, a promising new year is upon us and beckons us to seize on the goals and dream not accomplished in the present. So, the nature of the structure of how our months play out are changed in a way in December that lends the month to feeling stagnated. In limbo. Waiting. People are all celebrating holidays or awaiting the year to mercifully end. Sweet closure. Sure, December has snow, Christmas, family, and poinsettias. But no celebrities are out there getting out of Hummers without panties on. No major sports leagues are bothering to hold any contests of any real intrigue. The news is there is no news. December is purgatory.
Of the things that actually did happen in December 2008, perhaps none was bigger than President Elect Barack Obama's transition to the White House. It what will likely be his smoothest road in the next four years, Obama went about his business of selecting the members of his cabinet. The first order of business, of course, was patting the backs of those that helped him get elected in the first place, such as appointing the Chief of Staff position to Rahm Emanuel and Senior Advisors for campaign strategists David Axelrod and Pete Rouse. Obama also decided, though possibly not as priority number 1, that he wanted his staff to have game, as he picked what many have dubbed the "'the best basketball-playing cabinet in American history." As many as five members of his team have backgrounds as basketball players including three members that played college ball. Obama has made it clear that he isn't going to be a golf President. Although Obama did disrespect the White House bowling alley with remarks about taking it out in favor of a basketball court, which to me is super uncool. Nothing is more badass to me than making a deal to crush a country while lacing up your bowling shoes.
Among the biggest names and surprises among Obama's picks was found in the old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Not only did Obama retain some of Bush's Cabinet, he also brought on three of his former Democratic Presidential Nominee rivals with Tom Vilsack as Secretary of Agriculture, Bill Richardson as Secretary of Commerce, and in the biggest news of the month, the naming among Obama's national security team for Senator Hillary Clinton, who was nominated Secretary of State. Obama and Hillary had a fierce battle for the Democratic nomination and though it never turned ugly, it was never pretty in a very Anne Hathaway-way. To me, however, the refreshing thing to see is Obama collecting the people he feels like will do the best job for the country instead of upholding media produced grudges or any perceived hand-outs to his groupies. This transition is not complete, however, until Kucinich is rightfully given his role as Secretary of Awesome. That's some Saxbe fix shit right there, folks.
In the midst of Obama's transition to the White House, Democratic Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was insisting on transitioning to the Fucked House. On December 9th 2008, the mutated hair of Pete Rose wearing Governor from Illinois was arrested by the FBI at his Chicago home amidst allegations of corruption and pay-to-play regarding the for successor of departing President-elect Barack Obama's Senate Seat.
See, this is what I don't get. Rod Blagojevich works in Illinois for the Government. He should know better. Rod Blagojevich happened to have an opening for a position that fell right into his lap that many, many people were keeping their eyes on, so, what does he do? He calls up people and asks them how much money they'd give him to be Illinois' newest Senator. What is this, Rod Blagojevich? Is this eBay? Are we playing Deal or No Deal with wire-tapped briefcases? Is this Let's Make A Deal? I can tell you what's behind door number 2, Rod Blagojevich, and it isn't that brand new home entertainment center, it's your new cell mate who loves that Javier Bardem haircut you're sporting.
I think the best thing about this, and probably the only thing to admire about Rod Blagojevich, is the fact that throughout the proceedings, including on the 16th of December when the Illinois House of Representatives voted unanimously to begin an impeachment inquiry against Rod Blagojevich, Rod Blagojevich has been like, "Fuck ya'll, I'm the Governor of Illinois. I'm bulletproof!" On the 30th of December Rod Blagojevich appointed former Democratic Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to the vacated Senate seat anyway. Of course Democratic Senate leaders and Secretary of State Jesse White said they wouldn't accept the appointment. Either Rod Blagojevic has bigger balls than Cisco Adler or he is dumber than Cisco Adler. Either way, there's something about the fact that he really thinks he's going to be all right, and that he can continue on business as usual, is inspiring.
In other, actual criminals that get away with murder news, O. J. Simpson was sentenced to 15-33 years in prison for kidnapping and robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers in Las Vegas. Society just kept throwing chances at The Juice and he just kept on stabbing them in the face. I'm not exactly sure how he thought it would legally be considered just getting his stuff back from some friends when he went into their hotel room with guns and threatened them if they did not give him back his 1969 Rose Bowl ring or whatever they had. When questioned, O.J. said, "I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas." Literally, I'm not making that up. He actually said that. So, I'm just going to kill a hooker in the fine state of Nevada since the legal system there excuses all crimes as long as I leave my stay soon after the act is finished. Thanks, Juice! One final mystery left unsolved, however, 15-33 years? What the hell does that even mean? I don't even think the sentencing judge knows for sure how many years she wanted O.J. Simpson behind bars. Maybe she just wanted to cover all bases to make sure he dies in prison.
In Sports:
Just when my hate for the Yankees was starting to be overcome by my hate for the Boston Red Sox, December 2008 happened. The Evil Empire struck back. After finishing in third place in the American League East, behind Boston and Tampa Bay, and missing out on the playoffs for the first time in 14 years, the New York Yankees took huge steps in December to make sure all future World Series Championships are bought and paid for. Even though they had out-spent the division winning Rays by almost 200 million dollars in 2008, the Yankees still finished 8 games out. And of course, even though the Steinbrenner running the show in New York is no longer named George, expectations of anything less than a World Series title is unacceptable still remains. In 2009, with the new $1.3 billion Yankee Stadium facility opening, it is actually win at no cost is too costly.
In the span of 2 weeks in December 2008 the Yankees agreed to spend over $420 million to sign three free agent players. Three players. That's all $420 Million gets you these days. Of course, it wasn't just any three players as just any three players wouldn't cut it for the Yankees. Instead, it was the best pitcher on the market, the rotund CC Sabathia (7 year - $161 Million), the second best pitcher available, AJ Burnett (5 year - 82.5 Million) and lastly, and without shame, the best player free agent, first basemen Mark Teixeira (8 year - 180 Million). The team I follow, the Texas Rangers, plan to keep their payroll around $65 million dollars for 2009. The Yankees, however, will have a payroll in the upper rangers of $230 million dollars or so. So, sometimes it is hard to not want to cry foul, so to speak. But, baseball as a business is making so much money right now that the Yankees seem to be ahead of the curve on how a team should spend, not really a proponent for an argument for a salary cap. As ridiculous as the dollar amounts are, the Yankees are paying to be competitive while other teams pocket an absurd amount of revenue. That doesn't make it hard to root against the Yankees, however. Derek Jeter is bad a defense, by the way.
Best Music:
The Welcome Wagon - Welcome To The Welcome Wagon
I'm not even going to try to pretend that music, or entertainment in general, doesn't completely suck in December, so I won't. You hear a lot about companies backlogging their products to get them out just in time for the Holidays, but, I just don't see it. Year after year, by the time December rolls around, it is a wasteland out there in terms of quality. The one exception would be in film, since December is time for the prestige pictures to be released just in time to whip up a frenzy for award season. If indie-religion music had a prestige picture, The Welcome Wagon's Welcome to the Welcome Wagon would take home best picture. When a Resurrection Presbyterian Church in Williamsburg Reverend, his wife, and Sufjan Stevens get together on a Danielson Famile cover, you know the cred is through the steeple. Even though Sufjan has probably been off writing songs about Minnesota lakes or the quirkiness of New Mexico or something, he took time out to produce this little album. Interestingly enough, and probably due to his pattern for a very distinctive composition, Sufjan's imprint is all over this record. Like an angel-faced devil he seemed to have come in and take a very whole bare bones sound from a couple of hard working Jesus worshipers and turned them into full fledge Indie Rockers made in his own image. And that's certainly not a bad thing, you can hear Sufjan in almost every religion toned, folk-based chamber pop note. Give it a listen; find salvation, and no idol above God.
In addition, I've created a .rar file (74.9MB) so that anyone that so chooses can download and listen to all of the songs from this entry series:
Best Movie:
Gran Torino
The Prestige Piece. I don't know if it is just me but I get more and more weighed down by the deluge of Oscar grabbers every December. There are exceptions such as last year's There Will Be Blood, but, otherwise, each year, they always seem to blend together in my mind in a lump of dark trailers with soaring music and overacting that just screams "gimme gimme gimme". I'm going to write a film, I think, actually entitled "The Prestige Piece" and it will be a grand satire that will earn me the acclaim that I deserve. And see, just thinking about it made me crave being rewarded for my work. I'm sure though, just because I've put this out there, those Epic-Date-Scary-Superhero Movie dicks are already squirting out a Leo DiCaprio impression. This year, films like Frost/Nixon, Doubt, Revolutionary Road, Delgo, The Wrestler, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button they are all worth my time and yours, I feel. Well, not Delgo, I put that in there for comedy. I haven't had the time to see a lot of these pictures, however, because I've been writing this really stupid series about one of the worst years in decades.
However, only one movie in December truly hoisted me up by my shirt collar and made me unable to sit right for a week and that movie was Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. I saw this movie and I swear I thought it was a comedy for the first half. Here's Clint Eastwood's walkin', talkin' corpse and it is chewing out priests and spitting at foreigners. I thought he had finally tapped into the greatest piece of un-mined comedy real estate, the old southern grump. For crying out loud, at one part, Eastwood's character even yells "GET OFF MY LAWN!" to some hoodlums. All that was missing was a pratfall and a slide whistle. However, before I could stop laughing at this hilarious career change Eastwood had made, things went dark. Very dark. Hmong gang vs. old man in Detroit bloody battle dark. And if that sentence doesn't make this movie worthy of prestige, nothing ever will.
Notable Deaths:
A lot of sexy left the earth in December. For example, Eartha Kitt died in late December 2008. She was best known perhaps for her stirring for the times performance of the song "Santa Baby." She also brought the ability to purr and cat puns based on her name to the Catwoman role she inherited from Julie Newmar in the 1960s Batman Series. Orson Welles once called her the "most exciting woman in the world." Which, in another time, he could have been talking about Bettie Page. Not only was Bettie Page considered the original pin-up girl, she was also something of a controversial figure due to also being a centerfold in Playboy and risqué fetish model. The latter part of her career ended up with her having to testify to explain the photos in which she appeared in to a Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency after a young man died while copying a Page bondage photograph, or so the rumor went. I like to think he was copying a photograph of YOUR MOM. And lastly, after many years living as a rumor, W. Mark Felt, Mr. Deep Throat Watergate scandal whistle-blower himself, and sexiest of them all, died in his sleep on the 18th of December. Any man who can keep a secret that large for 30 or so years deserves to rest peacefully.
In Fittz News: And so, finally, after 12 arduous days of writing, I mercifully come to this end, the month of December 2008. I wrote this review to memorial a year, to guide us through the times that we lived in the previous 12 months. From a Mike Huckabee public awakening in January to a Mark Felt Deep Throat demise in December, it was only the tiniest speck of time comparatively, and yet, it seemed to last ten lifetimes. I said back at the start of this that 2008 was an exciting year, and it was, even though it was also arguably horrifying beyond belief. In the many ways I've mapped out, 2008 earned the right to be remembered, reviled, and respected. We've woken up on a world today. We have 2009, and we have each other. I hope to anyone who has read even some of this, the catharsis that I put into this work has eased your pain that this year as given us all. I know that I mentioned more than a few times throughout this retelling that if nothing else, 2008 was historic. And that's true, because as of this sentence, 2008 has been history for nine hours and fifty-one minutes.
It was the worst of times; it was the worst of times. Here's to you, 2008.
December has the shortest days of the entire year and yet it shares with six others the most days in a month. With a lot of the month spent reflecting it does seem like December is a month with a duel personality. On one hand, an entire year has been laid bare for our pondering and contemplation. On another, a promising new year is upon us and beckons us to seize on the goals and dream not accomplished in the present. So, the nature of the structure of how our months play out are changed in a way in December that lends the month to feeling stagnated. In limbo. Waiting. People are all celebrating holidays or awaiting the year to mercifully end. Sweet closure. Sure, December has snow, Christmas, family, and poinsettias. But no celebrities are out there getting out of Hummers without panties on. No major sports leagues are bothering to hold any contests of any real intrigue. The news is there is no news. December is purgatory.
Of the things that actually did happen in December 2008, perhaps none was bigger than President Elect Barack Obama's transition to the White House. It what will likely be his smoothest road in the next four years, Obama went about his business of selecting the members of his cabinet. The first order of business, of course, was patting the backs of those that helped him get elected in the first place, such as appointing the Chief of Staff position to Rahm Emanuel and Senior Advisors for campaign strategists David Axelrod and Pete Rouse. Obama also decided, though possibly not as priority number 1, that he wanted his staff to have game, as he picked what many have dubbed the "'the best basketball-playing cabinet in American history." As many as five members of his team have backgrounds as basketball players including three members that played college ball. Obama has made it clear that he isn't going to be a golf President. Although Obama did disrespect the White House bowling alley with remarks about taking it out in favor of a basketball court, which to me is super uncool. Nothing is more badass to me than making a deal to crush a country while lacing up your bowling shoes.
Among the biggest names and surprises among Obama's picks was found in the old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Not only did Obama retain some of Bush's Cabinet, he also brought on three of his former Democratic Presidential Nominee rivals with Tom Vilsack as Secretary of Agriculture, Bill Richardson as Secretary of Commerce, and in the biggest news of the month, the naming among Obama's national security team for Senator Hillary Clinton, who was nominated Secretary of State. Obama and Hillary had a fierce battle for the Democratic nomination and though it never turned ugly, it was never pretty in a very Anne Hathaway-way. To me, however, the refreshing thing to see is Obama collecting the people he feels like will do the best job for the country instead of upholding media produced grudges or any perceived hand-outs to his groupies. This transition is not complete, however, until Kucinich is rightfully given his role as Secretary of Awesome. That's some Saxbe fix shit right there, folks.
In the midst of Obama's transition to the White House, Democratic Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was insisting on transitioning to the Fucked House. On December 9th 2008, the mutated hair of Pete Rose wearing Governor from Illinois was arrested by the FBI at his Chicago home amidst allegations of corruption and pay-to-play regarding the for successor of departing President-elect Barack Obama's Senate Seat.
See, this is what I don't get. Rod Blagojevich works in Illinois for the Government. He should know better. Rod Blagojevich happened to have an opening for a position that fell right into his lap that many, many people were keeping their eyes on, so, what does he do? He calls up people and asks them how much money they'd give him to be Illinois' newest Senator. What is this, Rod Blagojevich? Is this eBay? Are we playing Deal or No Deal with wire-tapped briefcases? Is this Let's Make A Deal? I can tell you what's behind door number 2, Rod Blagojevich, and it isn't that brand new home entertainment center, it's your new cell mate who loves that Javier Bardem haircut you're sporting.
I think the best thing about this, and probably the only thing to admire about Rod Blagojevich, is the fact that throughout the proceedings, including on the 16th of December when the Illinois House of Representatives voted unanimously to begin an impeachment inquiry against Rod Blagojevich, Rod Blagojevich has been like, "Fuck ya'll, I'm the Governor of Illinois. I'm bulletproof!" On the 30th of December Rod Blagojevich appointed former Democratic Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to the vacated Senate seat anyway. Of course Democratic Senate leaders and Secretary of State Jesse White said they wouldn't accept the appointment. Either Rod Blagojevic has bigger balls than Cisco Adler or he is dumber than Cisco Adler. Either way, there's something about the fact that he really thinks he's going to be all right, and that he can continue on business as usual, is inspiring.
In other, actual criminals that get away with murder news, O. J. Simpson was sentenced to 15-33 years in prison for kidnapping and robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers in Las Vegas. Society just kept throwing chances at The Juice and he just kept on stabbing them in the face. I'm not exactly sure how he thought it would legally be considered just getting his stuff back from some friends when he went into their hotel room with guns and threatened them if they did not give him back his 1969 Rose Bowl ring or whatever they had. When questioned, O.J. said, "I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas." Literally, I'm not making that up. He actually said that. So, I'm just going to kill a hooker in the fine state of Nevada since the legal system there excuses all crimes as long as I leave my stay soon after the act is finished. Thanks, Juice! One final mystery left unsolved, however, 15-33 years? What the hell does that even mean? I don't even think the sentencing judge knows for sure how many years she wanted O.J. Simpson behind bars. Maybe she just wanted to cover all bases to make sure he dies in prison.
In Sports:
Just when my hate for the Yankees was starting to be overcome by my hate for the Boston Red Sox, December 2008 happened. The Evil Empire struck back. After finishing in third place in the American League East, behind Boston and Tampa Bay, and missing out on the playoffs for the first time in 14 years, the New York Yankees took huge steps in December to make sure all future World Series Championships are bought and paid for. Even though they had out-spent the division winning Rays by almost 200 million dollars in 2008, the Yankees still finished 8 games out. And of course, even though the Steinbrenner running the show in New York is no longer named George, expectations of anything less than a World Series title is unacceptable still remains. In 2009, with the new $1.3 billion Yankee Stadium facility opening, it is actually win at no cost is too costly.
In the span of 2 weeks in December 2008 the Yankees agreed to spend over $420 million to sign three free agent players. Three players. That's all $420 Million gets you these days. Of course, it wasn't just any three players as just any three players wouldn't cut it for the Yankees. Instead, it was the best pitcher on the market, the rotund CC Sabathia (7 year - $161 Million), the second best pitcher available, AJ Burnett (5 year - 82.5 Million) and lastly, and without shame, the best player free agent, first basemen Mark Teixeira (8 year - 180 Million). The team I follow, the Texas Rangers, plan to keep their payroll around $65 million dollars for 2009. The Yankees, however, will have a payroll in the upper rangers of $230 million dollars or so. So, sometimes it is hard to not want to cry foul, so to speak. But, baseball as a business is making so much money right now that the Yankees seem to be ahead of the curve on how a team should spend, not really a proponent for an argument for a salary cap. As ridiculous as the dollar amounts are, the Yankees are paying to be competitive while other teams pocket an absurd amount of revenue. That doesn't make it hard to root against the Yankees, however. Derek Jeter is bad a defense, by the way.
Best Music:
The Welcome Wagon - Welcome To The Welcome Wagon
I'm not even going to try to pretend that music, or entertainment in general, doesn't completely suck in December, so I won't. You hear a lot about companies backlogging their products to get them out just in time for the Holidays, but, I just don't see it. Year after year, by the time December rolls around, it is a wasteland out there in terms of quality. The one exception would be in film, since December is time for the prestige pictures to be released just in time to whip up a frenzy for award season. If indie-religion music had a prestige picture, The Welcome Wagon's Welcome to the Welcome Wagon would take home best picture. When a Resurrection Presbyterian Church in Williamsburg Reverend, his wife, and Sufjan Stevens get together on a Danielson Famile cover, you know the cred is through the steeple. Even though Sufjan has probably been off writing songs about Minnesota lakes or the quirkiness of New Mexico or something, he took time out to produce this little album. Interestingly enough, and probably due to his pattern for a very distinctive composition, Sufjan's imprint is all over this record. Like an angel-faced devil he seemed to have come in and take a very whole bare bones sound from a couple of hard working Jesus worshipers and turned them into full fledge Indie Rockers made in his own image. And that's certainly not a bad thing, you can hear Sufjan in almost every religion toned, folk-based chamber pop note. Give it a listen; find salvation, and no idol above God.
In addition, I've created a .rar file (74.9MB) so that anyone that so chooses can download and listen to all of the songs from this entry series:
- Best of January - MGMT-Oracular Spectacular-Electric Feel
- Best of February - Sebastian Tellier-Divine
- Best of March - Hercules and Love Affair-st-Time Will
- Best of April - Cut Copy-In Ghost Colours-Lights And Music
- Best of May - Islands-Arm's Way-Creeper
- Best of June - Fleet Foxes-st-White Winter Hymnal
- Best of July - Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson-st-Buriedfed
- Best of August - The Walkmen-You & Me-In the New Year
- Best of September - TV on the Radio-Dear Science-Family Tree
- Best of October - of Montreal-Skelatal Lamping-Id Engager
- Best of November - Surf City-st-Dickshakers Union
- Best of December - The Welcome Wagon-Welcome To The Welcome Wagon-Sold! To The Nice Rich Man
Best Movie:
Gran Torino
The Prestige Piece. I don't know if it is just me but I get more and more weighed down by the deluge of Oscar grabbers every December. There are exceptions such as last year's There Will Be Blood, but, otherwise, each year, they always seem to blend together in my mind in a lump of dark trailers with soaring music and overacting that just screams "gimme gimme gimme". I'm going to write a film, I think, actually entitled "The Prestige Piece" and it will be a grand satire that will earn me the acclaim that I deserve. And see, just thinking about it made me crave being rewarded for my work. I'm sure though, just because I've put this out there, those Epic-Date-Scary-Superhero Movie dicks are already squirting out a Leo DiCaprio impression. This year, films like Frost/Nixon, Doubt, Revolutionary Road, Delgo, The Wrestler, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button they are all worth my time and yours, I feel. Well, not Delgo, I put that in there for comedy. I haven't had the time to see a lot of these pictures, however, because I've been writing this really stupid series about one of the worst years in decades.
However, only one movie in December truly hoisted me up by my shirt collar and made me unable to sit right for a week and that movie was Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. I saw this movie and I swear I thought it was a comedy for the first half. Here's Clint Eastwood's walkin', talkin' corpse and it is chewing out priests and spitting at foreigners. I thought he had finally tapped into the greatest piece of un-mined comedy real estate, the old southern grump. For crying out loud, at one part, Eastwood's character even yells "GET OFF MY LAWN!" to some hoodlums. All that was missing was a pratfall and a slide whistle. However, before I could stop laughing at this hilarious career change Eastwood had made, things went dark. Very dark. Hmong gang vs. old man in Detroit bloody battle dark. And if that sentence doesn't make this movie worthy of prestige, nothing ever will.
Notable Deaths:
A lot of sexy left the earth in December. For example, Eartha Kitt died in late December 2008. She was best known perhaps for her stirring for the times performance of the song "Santa Baby." She also brought the ability to purr and cat puns based on her name to the Catwoman role she inherited from Julie Newmar in the 1960s Batman Series. Orson Welles once called her the "most exciting woman in the world." Which, in another time, he could have been talking about Bettie Page. Not only was Bettie Page considered the original pin-up girl, she was also something of a controversial figure due to also being a centerfold in Playboy and risqué fetish model. The latter part of her career ended up with her having to testify to explain the photos in which she appeared in to a Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency after a young man died while copying a Page bondage photograph, or so the rumor went. I like to think he was copying a photograph of YOUR MOM. And lastly, after many years living as a rumor, W. Mark Felt, Mr. Deep Throat Watergate scandal whistle-blower himself, and sexiest of them all, died in his sleep on the 18th of December. Any man who can keep a secret that large for 30 or so years deserves to rest peacefully.
In Fittz News: And so, finally, after 12 arduous days of writing, I mercifully come to this end, the month of December 2008. I wrote this review to memorial a year, to guide us through the times that we lived in the previous 12 months. From a Mike Huckabee public awakening in January to a Mark Felt Deep Throat demise in December, it was only the tiniest speck of time comparatively, and yet, it seemed to last ten lifetimes. I said back at the start of this that 2008 was an exciting year, and it was, even though it was also arguably horrifying beyond belief. In the many ways I've mapped out, 2008 earned the right to be remembered, reviled, and respected. We've woken up on a world today. We have 2009, and we have each other. I hope to anyone who has read even some of this, the catharsis that I put into this work has eased your pain that this year as given us all. I know that I mentioned more than a few times throughout this retelling that if nothing else, 2008 was historic. And that's true, because as of this sentence, 2008 has been history for nine hours and fifty-one minutes.
It was the worst of times; it was the worst of times. Here's to you, 2008.
