The Most Beautiful Woman
I know we, as a fickle society, often struggle with the guttural opinion as to whether or not Sarah Jessica Parker is a physically attractive person. I've often, personally, fallen on the idea that she is a leathery goblin. However, I have had heated debates and the outcome is often polarizing. I mean, sometimes we're presented with the likes of this:


But then, something like this happens and fear and disgust cloud our minds:


What kind of voodoo is she...Wait, what? God. No!

Anyhow, my penis and the penises of a generation have been befuddled and confounded by this woman for decades now. That is, until tonight, when the heavens opened up through the magic of television and displayed a goddess to me. I was watching 30 Rock and paused my DVR during a Garnier UltraLift Pro-X commercial. You've probably seen it, it has SJP explaining the need to professionally lift one's skin in an ultra way with some creme.

Even though the laws of DVR technology promised to suspend time at my whim, Sarah's elegance and divinity shown through and would not be reined in by my insatiable need to grab chocolate truffles off of my coffee table. Sarah and I were locked in a magical, memorable moment. As Valentine's Day nears, I feel it is only fitting that I share with you a gift from the very essence of beauty. Angels, you see, cannot be contained.



That feeling you have right now, as though estranged lovers are passionately thrusting their sex upon your unready stomach lining, that's not because you are creeped out by what you just saw, no. You witnessed the same as I did. I believe all rulings to the contrary most be made moot. Sarah Jessica Parker came to me last night to end the mystery once and for all. Sarah Jessica Parker is The Most Beautiful Woman.