'Cause I can't, I won't, and I don't stop blogging (apoplecticfittz) wrote,
'Cause I can't, I won't, and I don't stop blogging
apoplecticfittz

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No Shave April

Howdy LiveJournal, readers of my journal, and, dare I say, THE WORLD?! *ahem*

I have a question for you. Ever get sick of shaving? If you're are like me, you hate the curse of the awesome threat that is facial hair...for one, unless you are Tom Selleck or Santa Claus, it can look rather unseemly and the actual act of shaving is just a bitch, period. But if done right a full and manly beard or sweet sweet 'stache can be down right bitchin'. But you have to shave, your jobs and/or significant other demands it. FUCK, our culture demands it. You have to do it every day. This is a must. If you don't you get that hideous 'five o'clock shadow'-look and people laugh at you...or think you may rape them. And then, if you get past the initial stubble you have the next phase: The scraggly mess. You basically look like you glued some pubes to your face. This won't fly in today's society, or so I hear. Maybe if you're into that sort of thing, or a furry... But if you continue on this road and don't lose your job and/or woman for looking like a hobo, it's all sweet fully grown beard from there.

But I digress...

Back to hating shaving, it blows. It hurts. It fucks with your once baby soft skin. It probably causes cancer, we don't know. Now I know what you're all saying ('Just shut up and shave you lazy un-groomed ass.'), but hear me out. I propose that we make April the month for taking a vacation from shaving, or: NO SHAVE APRIL. From today until the end of April I promise to not shave, not even my legs and if you're smart you will join me, all of you, even the ladies. Yes ladies, shaving sucks for you too. So, blow it off for a month. Trust me, we won't mind a little hairy leg, chances are it will just bring back fond memories of the time we spend with our uncle...you know the one, uncle Steve.

Worried about losing your job? Who needs a job anyway? This is you're chance to stick it to the man and have a beard at the same time; it doesn't get any better than that.

Maybe you think you can't grow a proper beard. Well, you obviously don't value comedy. GET TO WORK!

This is how I see myself progressing, to give you an idea on the goals of NO SHAVE APRIL...other than being lazy and stuff:
Week one:

Things begin...stubble is itchy.

Week Two:

As you can see, I'm so depressed I've grown a mullet.

Week Three:

Things are looking up, this is a look that says: "YES, I AM ALIVE!".

Week Four:

See that smile? That is a smile of a man with an awe-inspiring beard...the glasses are because I am clearly awesome now.

And look, even LJ's missfittz can grow one:


So, in closing, join me in the pursuit of awesomeness by not shaving in April. You won't regret it, your face will thank you and reward you with the sweet beard you've always dreamed of. Well I say dare to dream my friends. Dare to dream in NO SHAVE APRIL.
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