What makes it horrible is the fact that not only are a group of children, kid(z) if you will, singing already deplorable pop songs from any number of MTV or radio favorites but also somehow this is what makes it great. I mean, I don't know about you guys but if I have to hear a Bowling for Soup song, I want it sung by a nine year old. Because nine-year olds know pretty much everything there is to know about 1985...well, except for anything at all, and it makes me smile inside.
But seriously folks this is the recipe for boppin' success:
1 Nelly song
1 rising lady soulful singer (Ashanti/Kelly Rowland/Alicia Keys/et al)
A pinch of an American Idol winner...or just another Kelly Clarkson song if Ruben is deemed to fat to be bopped again
9 AVRIL LAVIGNE SONGS
And a dash of the "indie" flavor of the month
Throw it in a big pot of creepy tone-deaf children and let it simmer. Once done, serve to your unsuspected guests and watch their eyes light up with delight while their ears bleed. Here, how about a taste now, shall we?
POOR ISAAC BROCK! Not only has all respect for Modest Mouse long been flushed down the big cred toilet but now they have some guy singing his ode to pop music BETTER THAN HIM, mind you, with a group of 10 year olds...does anyone remember when Modest Mouse was the in "So, have you ever heard..." band for people wanting to appear hip? Those days had long received its death knell but this is like raping the corpse and then taking a piss on it by way of prepubescent warbling.
And I love it.
What a horribly delicious song. I can't even listen to it because it makes me so happy. And lovers of things that will blow minds, get this, just a heads up, Kidz Bop 8 will have U2's Vertigo on it...the wailing of America will sustain me through this summer based on that news alone.
The best thing to me about this whole deal is that they don't even really know what bop is? Kidz Bop? It really is creepy and dirty...I mean, these albums contain songs with sexual (Are You Gonna Be My Girl, Toxic) subject matter, completely unedited. Do the people behind this know that "Bop" also means "a female who dates/has sex with more than two males at the same time"? I bet they don't...or maybe they do. Or how about the ol' Lightening War Bop...there's a song for them to sing, and I imagine they will, or at least She Bop which is of course a fitting tribute to the act of female masturbation.
She bop - he bop - a - we bop
I bop - you bop - a - Kidz Bop?
And it isn't just sex, would you like to let your little ducktard listen to kids sing lyrics like: "I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, and though you're still with me, I've been alone all along?" Might as well throw on some Smiths while we're at it.
And speaking of...I would pay a substantial amount of money for there to be a Kidz Bop: Brit Pop album released. In fact, if I have to hijack a bus full of pre-teen Brits (a long sought after goal anyhow) and force them to sing Parklife, I WILL DO IT!
This is such a messed up concept that I can't help but sit back and love it...and laugh...laugh and love. I salute you, Kidz Bop...now, never ever use an Interpol or Devo song and I won't have to destroy you.
Devo Week 2005 Update:
Today we honor Mark Mothersbaugh.
From the lovely Wikipedia, saving me from being late from work this very day:
Mark Mothersbaugh (born May 18, 1950, in Akron, Ohio) is an American musician, composer, singer, and painter.
Mothersbaugh was lead singer of the New Wave rock group Devo. After Devo dissolved in the 1980s, Mothersbaugh went on to a successful career as a writer of music for TV and movies. His credits include the soundtracks for the television show Pee-wee's Playhouse, Rugrats (both the TV series and the movies), MTV's Liquid Television, and many movies including Happy Gilmore, The Big Squeeze, Drop Dead Gorgeous, and The Birdcage, along with Wes Anderson efforts Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. He has also written music for video games, including Crash Bandicoot and The Sims 2. He was the composer for the third season of Dawson's Creek.
Mothersbaugh also paints, in a style influenced by surrealism and Andy Warhol.
To you Mothersbaugh, for being responsible for me not being a music-less sad sack of potatoes...