'Cause I can't, I won't, and I don't stop blogging (apoplecticfittz) wrote,
'Cause I can't, I won't, and I don't stop blogging

So, I'm back...(Turnip friends and AIM enemies, expect my arrival later this night.)

Things to do before August 1st, 2006:

  • Drink a single (1) gallon (3.7852 ML) of whole milk in the time period of one hour without then vomiting the contents of my stomach.

  • Now, the reason I will be doing this particular event is simple, I've been challenged. Therefore, I will do this and I will do it with aplomb. Of course, I'm sure you are asking, "Aren't you vegan?" Well...fuck you. I must protect my pride.

  • Acquire a panhandling license in the state of Florida in the county of Orange to patrol a designated area with my downtrodden appearance and soiled accoutrements.

  • I, of course, will be doing this because:
    A) I want to have a panhandling license.
    B) I need all the money I can get.
    C) As my future is likely as a bum, I want to get a head start.
    Though, this will only happen for a single day. No more. But, I promise I will dance for my nickels. Also, I have to do this as I've made promises that I must keep...not to mention I've been mentioning doing this for about a year now. It is time.

  • Ghost write a Children’s book for a celebrity.

  • This one will be tricky...mostly because I don't know a celebrity on a personal level. Still, I believe I can accomplish this because I believe in following my dreams...and my heart. (I'm working on my prose right now.) However, any celebrity worth his/her salt will release or has released a children's book. It is my estimation that many of them (I'm looking at you, Tony Danza) do not write the actual story. Though, I've heard most illustrate their work.

  • Release a spoken word album.

  • This one speaks for itself. (That's the joke, see? Speaks...for itself...spoken word...nevermind.)

  • Trick producers into believing I have a dispute with my roommate so that we can get onto a daytime television court show.

  • So far, our best idea is having my roommate dress as a clown and claim that he wouldn't have back my deposit after he came and didn't perform up to the standard that was promised when I hired him to entertain at my birthday party. For example, he will fictionally have partaken in all of the refreshments for my guests and then will have proceeded to make balloon animals out of condoms. Judge Joe Brown will have none of this.

  • Go to a heavily populated area, such as Universal Studios, and promote the impending No Shave April '06.

  • The plan is to carry a sign with the principles on it as well dancing the Ian Curtis. I will change lives.

  • Bathe.

  • End this Blog.

  • It couldn't happen soon enough.

    I'll keep you posted.

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